New Jersey—the land of diner debates, beach drama, and now, apparently, rogue drones the size of SUVs buzzing over homes like mechanical seagulls. Residents are demanding answers, but if you’re waiting for the federal government to swoop in with clarity, don’t hold your breath. This debacle is shaping up to be another showcase of bureaucratic dithering, complete with the usual chorus of conflicting statements, shrugged shoulders, and finger-pointing.
Let’s set the stage. People along the Jersey Shore and beyond have reported seeing what they describe as “SUV-size drones” lighting up the night sky and zigzagging over neighborhoods, the ocean, and even state parks. Videos show hovering lights, prompting locals to speculate wildly—everything from corporate espionage to foreign surveillance to the opening act of an alien invasion. Realtor James Ward’s Facebook clip sparked even more intrigue, with viewers offering their own solutions, ranging from shotguns to, well, more shotguns.
Before you lock and load, here’s the rub: it’s illegal to shoot down drones. Yes, even when they’re buzzing above your house like nosy mechanical bees. According to the FAA, shooting a drone violates federal laws governing aircraft. So, if you were planning on using your 12-gauge to snag one for a closer look, you might want to rethink that. Still, you’ve got to love the Jersey spirit—taking matters into their own hands when Uncle Sam is too busy tripping over its own regulations.
Governor Phil Murphy and Senator Richard Blumenthal (yes, both Democrats) have joined two Republican congressmen in calling on the federal government to take action. Their message? Shoot down anything that looks suspicious. A rare moment of bipartisan agreement! Too bad the feds seem stuck in a state of analysis paralysis.
“We should be doing some very smart intelligence analysis and take them out of the skies, especially if they’re flying over airports or military bases,” Senator Blumenthal said. “They should be shot down, if necessary because they’re flying over sensitive areas.”
Sen. Richard Blumenthal says mysterious drones spotted recently ‘should be shot down, if necessary’ https://t.co/rx8LbEn6o6 pic.twitter.com/Dt58cCjglD
— New York Post (@nypost) December 13, 2024
White House National Security Communications Adviser John Kirby insists that many of the sightings are likely manned aircraft operating lawfully. That’s right, folks—maybe it’s just some regular planes with lights, and you’re all overreacting. Never mind that dozens of residents are reporting objects larger than your average Amazon delivery drone, doing things your standard Cessna isn’t capable of. But sure, let’s dismiss it as a mass optical illusion.
I trust Kirby about as far as I could throw him. He gives off serious used car salesmen vibes.
We are the world’s strongest military power and we are getting clowned by a bunch of drones?
Does this make sense anyone?
pic.twitter.com/LD637BQ656— Glockford Files (@GlockfordFiles) December 12, 2024
The FAA, of course, is “investigating.” Translation? We’ll get back to you sometime between now and the next presidential administration. They’ve issued flight restrictions for certain areas, including around Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster and Picatinny Arsenal because nothing screams “we’ve got this under control” like putting up a no-fly zone sign and hoping for the best.
Meanwhile, the FBI and Homeland Security are also on the case, but if their recent public hearing is any indication, don’t expect answers anytime soon. As one New Jersey lawmaker bluntly put it after sitting through a five-hour briefing: “They don’t know where the drones are coming from. They don’t know who’s flying them. They don’t know why they’re flying them. But they’re sure there’s no credible threat.” Comforting.
Let’s not forget the cherry on top: a Chinese citizen was arrested in California for allegedly using a hacked drone to photograph a military base. No connection to the Jersey sightings, of course. But hey, it’s not like we’ve ever underestimated foreign tech surveillance before, right?
New Jerseyans aren’t just frustrated—they’re fed up. And who can blame them? When government officials tell you not to worry but can’t explain what’s flying over your house, trust tends to erode faster than the Jersey Shore after a hurricane. Until the feds stop dithering and start doing their jobs, residents are left to stew—and speculate—about what’s really happening in their skies.
So, what’s next? Maybe the drones are harmless. Maybe they’re not. But one thing’s for sure: when New Jersey residents are proposing solutions with more decisiveness than federal agencies, you know we’ve got a problem. Keep watching the skies, folks—and maybe keep that shotgun metaphorically loaded. For now.
