Well, well, well—look who’s crawling back into the limelight. Former Vice President Kamala Harris, fresh off her shellacking in the 2024 election, is set to take the stage again for her “first major speech” since America collectively gave her and the Democratic Party a pretty decisive no thanks.
And where else but San Francisco, at the 20th anniversary gala for Emerge—a group designed to crank out more left-wing female politicians. Think of it as a training camp for future AOCs, but with a splash of California smug.
Harris will be talking about—what else?—Donald Trump. Apparently, she’s decided the best way to claw back some relevance is to start throwing rhetorical darts at the man who beat her soundly, both electorally and, let’s face it, intellectually. The speech is expected to include some oh-so-serious warnings about Trump’s economic policies and supposed “threats to American institutions.”
Because if there’s one thing Kamala Harris is known for, it’s delivering coherent, well-structured critiques of foreign policy and the economy. Oh wait—no, she’s known for nervous laughter and answering questions with stories about Venn diagrams and yellow school buses.
Let’s not forget, this is the same Kamala Harris who couldn’t crack even 5% in the 2020 Democratic primary before dropping out in her own backyard. The same Harris who was elevated to the vice presidency not because of any notable accomplishments (unless you count awkwardly managing the border crisis into a humanitarian disaster) but because the Democratic Party needed to check off a couple of demographic boxes. She’s a historic first, sure. A historic flop, also yes.
But now, like a bad sequel nobody asked for, she’s teasing a run for California governor in 2026. Apparently Newsom’s impending departure has left a vacuum of sanity just begging for another progressive ideologue to step in and double down on failed policies. Can’t wait for more housing shortages, higher taxes, and a continued exodus of working-class families fleeing for states that don’t treat prosperity like a sin.
The speech will reportedly circle around a new theme: “courage is contagious.” Which is rich coming from someone who’s spent the last six months “processing” her election loss while avoiding the public eye. Courage is contagious? Maybe, but political delusion apparently is too.
She’s expected to call on voters to reject Trump’s economic agenda, which—you know—the one that actually had inflation under control, energy prices stable, and GDP growth that didn’t require a calculator and wishful thinking to justify. Meanwhile, she’ll try to sound the alarm about “threats to American institutions,” though no one’s really buying that line anymore, especially after watching her party weaponize the justice system, ignore border enforcement, and redefine biology with the help of a diversity consultant.
And of course, the speech will be laced with dramatic calls to action and soaring rhetoric about America’s “enduring promise”—because nothing says promise like losing the popular vote and all seven swing states in a single election cycle. You really have to marvel at the gall it takes to not just lose that badly, but then to step back into the public square like you’ve got something to teach the rest of us.
So, what are we left with? A failed VP, making the rounds again in friendly territory, hoping to rekindle her relevance with the same talking points that voters already rejected. Maybe it’s a warm-up for a gubernatorial run, or maybe it’s just a farewell tour for someone whose political career peaked when Joe Biden needed a running mate who fit a particular profile. Either way, one thing’s for sure—there will be plenty of soundbites, plenty of social media cringe, and absolutely no accountability for the damage done while she was in office.
Pop some popcorn. The show’s about to start.
