Teddy Bear Saleswoman Arrested at Grocery Store with Pitchfork and Whip

It’s not every day that your humble author gets to create a headline such as the one that you’ve seen here, but thanks to the great state of Florida, my time has come.

For years, the Sunshine State has been producing some of the strangest and most out-there news stories that the world has ever laid their eyes upon.  Perhaps is the constant, oppressive heat’s cooked the good sense out of some folks, or maybe it’s the weight of the tourism industry pressing the entirety of the citizenry into some quasi-carnival-like existence, but either way, some truly bizarre moments come to us from Florida.

This week was no exception.

A Central Florida woman accused of running around outside a Publix store with a pitchfork and a black whip, while trying to sell teddy bears, was arrested Tuesday afternoon, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

The incident happened shortly after 2 p.m. at the Publix on North Hancock Road in Clermont.

According to an arrest report, a trooper saw a woman, later identified as Lisa Anne Slone, 56, of Ocoee, yelling and waving the pitchfork and whip outside the grocery store’s main entrance and handcuffed her after she refused to stop.

The woman appeared to be some sort of entrepreneur, as well.

The trooper spoke with the store manager who said Slone was reportedly trying to sell teddy bears behind the store, and at some point, she started to yell and run around with the pitchfork and the whip, and stabbed a man’s minivan, causing damage.

And yes, you guessed it:

The trooper said the woman appeared to be “highly intoxicated on some sort of stimulant drug.” Slone reportedly told law enforcement “she felt no pain anymore and that God was in control.”

The pitchfork was taken into evidence, and the perpetrator was booked on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon.