Russians Flee Country as Putin Orders Them To…

Things are turning ever more desperate in Ukraine this week, as Vladimir Putin took to the airwaves early on Thursday to make a major, history-altering announcement regarding the war in Ukraine.

Putin, in an obvious sign of weakness and humiliation, is ordering the conscription of 300,000 Russian citizens into military service; a force larger than the one that he began the war with.

Putin’s address on Wednesday comes as Russia’s invasion reaches nearly seven months and amid a successful counteroffensive by Ukraine’s military.

Conscription is “fully adequate to the threats we face, namely to protect our homeland, its sovereignty and territorial integrity, to ensure the security of our people and people in the liberated territories,” he said.

Putin tried to spin the strategy, but international experts were certain that this was an embarrassing admission for the Kremlin.

“We are talking about partial mobilization, that is, only citizens who are currently in the reserve will be subject to conscription, and above all, those who served in the armed forces have a certain military specialty and relevant experience,” Putin said.

Putin’s partial mobilization is set to start on Wednesday.

The news instigated a mass exodus from Russia proper, as one-way flights out of the country quickly filled, and at exorbitant prices, with many Russians under the impression that they would simply be sent to the frontlines as cannon fodder and with no real training to speak out.

Putin then went on to issue yet another of his pedantic nuclear threats, this time adding the not-so-believable caveat that he’s “not bluffing”.