Kremlin Retrieves Putin’s Excrement to Prevent Spying

How paranoid can one world leader get?

Sure, we’ve heard about taste testers working for the highest levels of foreign governments, laying their bodies on the line to make sure that no one poisons the boss.

Heck, some even use body doubles to avoid what they perceive as threats.

But now a new low has arrived, as the Kremlin is now tasking someone with one strangeĀ duty…no pun intended.

Russian President Vladimir Putin carries a suitcase filled with his own excrement and urine out of fear it might reveal too much information about his health should it fall into the wrong hands, according to reports.

“Putin fears the possibility of any information about his health getting into the hands of foreign intelligence services,” Rebekah Koffler, president of Doctrine & Strategy Consulting and a former DIA intelligence officer, told Fox News Digital.

“He wants to project the image that he will be ruling Russia indefinitely in order to deter any chaos associated with a change of power.”

And just how far do they go to dispose of it?

A report from Paris Match via the Moscow Times reveals Putin has a special aide from the Federal Guard Service who handles the suitcase, which contains his fecal matter and urine collected during his trips, and returns it to Moscow.

Persistent evidence of Vladimir Putin’s terminal cancer diagnosis has been making its way to the international community, and this abject paranoia appears to be corroborating those reports.